The Last Day Of Summer

On a reflective leap year day down under.

I know it's still summer
but it feels like a dark winter
a cloud has come over me
when will it pass?
that dread in the pit of my stomach
the long gaze out into nothing
this stuckness feels like an eternity.

The pain of a loss
someone dear to my heart
it aches and aches
I'm left tender and weak
everything hurts
the crippling soreness in my shoulder
will not go away.

Why is life so f*cking hard?

I know when I am desperate
cause I call out to God
the one I have neglected
as my Ego charts its path.

The guilt of my indecision
weighs heavily on me
which way to go?
I could tear myself in half.

For too long, I have waited
and I know it's costing me
if only I could tell
which way was right or wrong?

But sometimes you just don't know
actually, you never know for sure
so you've got to pick a side
cause that endless waiting game
is costing you more than time.

I wish I had the answers
so I could share them with you
but that would be a mistake 
for it wouldn't do you justice
as the true answers are within you.

You can hear it now
if you listen closely enough
that soft spirit calling you
to get back on the path.

You thought your hero's journey
was well underway
but really
it's only just begun. 

This dreadful part was to be expected
you can't skip the levels of life
the hero must descend
into the belly of the beast
for the treasure that you seek
is on the other side of your fear.

But hope is on the horizon
I now feel it in my bones
once you find the bottom of that ladder
the only way is up.

A splash of optimism 
brushes my face
something is ready to come out of me
I'm not sure what it is yet
but I feel the warmth of excitement. 

Those internal ice caps begin to melt
the birds are still singing
the boiling kettle joins in
the popping of the toaster
the deliciousness of the soup
all signal that it's time
I smile
I'm home
and I always have been.

But a new chapter has begun.